My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
