I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you had me at cake vodka
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
