and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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