I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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