I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
