peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
