Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
