There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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