so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
