I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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