and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
