I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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