but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
