you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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