and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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