I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
