So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
