is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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