I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
