My vagina just recognized that song.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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