So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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