yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
