U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
