A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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