But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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