i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
