im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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