I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
