btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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