I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
