Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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