The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
