69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
