OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
