i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
