I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
NoShamevember. You game?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
