Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
