Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
