Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
