The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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