me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
