I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
