I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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