you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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