He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize