forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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