its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
