dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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