I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
that may or may not have been my penis.
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