Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
