I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
