so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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