U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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