Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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