Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
whose parrot is this?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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