I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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