How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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