it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Come share oat with me in your robe
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
