she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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