I am spending my child support on dildos
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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