Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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