We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
