I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
