I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have aggressive nipples.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
