mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
