The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
People in love make me want to vomit
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
