Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
