Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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