So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
