It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
