ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I look better un-naked...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
