our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
