So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
