Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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