so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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