i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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