The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
