I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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